Kids and Marriage

So when I was a 16 year old lad, I thought I knew it all. I was very happy young man with my first proper girlfriend, in love with me thinking my future was set in stone. Back then I had very traditional thoughts and thought I'd go through education, get a good job get married, buy a house then have children - In that order. Little did I know that my vision was blurred by immaturity and inexperience of such a young man. Now thankfully I stuck to the first two stepping stones on my list, I kept my head down with my studies and worked hard throughout University to land myself a very good job. My first girlfriend however, the love of my life, decided that she'd rather be with my best friend at the time which now I'm so glad of and she's the one that's missing out - I'd of stuck with her forever, so thank god she left me... Anyway, that's another story. 

So through my progression into growing into a man, I have a complete new view on what marriage and having children means to me and how it should be. This view has also been amplified by the associated costs of things and the non stop world we live in these days. Now as a young man, I would have definitely said no to kids before marriage, I kind of had it in my head as that it is completely wrong and not the best introduction to the world for a child. However, despite my thoughts on marriage being important to show that you are in a life long commitment - I now feel in my mind that marriage isn't necessary and it sure as hell isn't a requirement for having children. I do though think that when having a child, that you and the person you are having that child with should be stable and happily in love and that you are in it for life. Marriage is at the end of the day materialistic and I think that children should be brought into a world by parents who both love the child and each other more than anything else in the world. Marriage does not prove how much you love someone, it is just a way of declaring your commitment to the world. I mean I hope one day I do get married with that one person that you can 100% say is the one. However if I don't, its no biggie. I also hope to have children and I would love them to come after a marriage, but with the cost of weddings these days and the fact that it is a struggle to afford a mortgage - I would rather be happy in love with a mortgage, a stable home with a child. Rather than getting married to have a child and then be £20,000 down from the wedding that could be thrown into a family home. 

My priorities have changed with age. I have seen many of my school friends have children not married, some of which have got married after having children. I see no difference in the happiness they have with their partners and children, married or not married. So to me it is not a priority, it is something I'd want and something that would be nice. But love and happiness should always come before a statement of marriage - especially when a child is involved.